Wildcat Forever

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.

That’s it I’m done. I’m am no longer a student at Kansas State University. My contracts have been ended and I have passed my finals. A year and a half later and I’m moving on. Not because I’m ready, not because I want to, but because I need to. This was what God had planned for me. Three life changing semesters. 16 months ago I was in my dorm room crying, I wanted to be anywhere accept the state of Kansas. I hated my first month of school. It was hard not to have friends, but now not only do I have the best friends ever, I have a family here in Kansas. I have people who will be a part of my life forever, and people who may fade out with time, but I’m okay with that. It’s how life happens. It isn’t because we aren’t great friends, but God will bring us to different places and we will find new friends, it’s part of change. There are those people though, I’ve found them everywhere I’ve ever lived, friends that will last. Friends who become your family. Friends who would travel the country to see you. Friends that shed tears when you leave and tears when you return. The friends that make saying goodbye so hard. The ones that will hold you at the car door, airport terminal, bus stop, or front door and let you say goodbye a few more times than necessary. The ones that text you before you’re out of site and remind you that you’re loved. The ones that will laugh with you up until the moment you hug them goodbye. The ones that will spend hours on the phone with you. You talk about your new life and theirs. It doesn’t matter when you hear a name you don’t recognize, you listen and laugh, because you know they’re happy. You know you’re happy. You know everything is the way it’s suppose to be.

If you hadn’t guessed by now I’m very familiar with goodbyes. Each time seems easier, I handle it with a little more dignity, maybe even a little less tears, but each time breaks my heart a little more, because I know how it goes. I know most people will fade from my life, I know most people won’t really miss me, and I won’t really miss them. I know I won’t visit as often as I say I will, and I know they won’t visit either. We’ll write a few postcards and send a few emails. The days will pass and life will move on, just the way it was meant to. It’s not as sad as I make it sound, it’s more the anticipation of it all. You tend to ponder if it will ever be this good again. Will you ever find friends like this? Will you be happy there like you are here? The answer is yes. It will never be the same, that is true, but then again tomorrow is never the same as yesterday. But I will be happy. It unfortunately doesn’t hurt less to say goodbye knowing that tomorrow will be okay, but maybe I will look back and laugh when it turns out saying goodbye to Manhattan felt just how I thought it would.

… but anyway, school is out, it’s Christmas time, and we’re alive! Let’s Praise God!

Make Believe For You

My hands are shaking

fighting back tears that aren't there

Choked up with words I refuse to say

for you, I act indifferent

for you, I seem so strong

I remember when you held me,

if you could just do that now

Take away my fear,

tell me it'll be okay

I want to believe you will make it,

At least help me make believe it's true

I'll hold your hands, they're shaking

you can cry, I'll wipe your tears

Say what you need, I'll listen

know that I've been praying

Through the Lord I will stay strong

If you need me to, I'll hold you

it's my turn to care for you

There's no need to be afraid

it will all turn out okay

I know that you will make it,

at least I'll make believe it's true.

Iowa

Finally a break from the chaos of college. Fall break is here and for me this means going to my new house for the first time. My dad picked me up from school and on very little sleep we made the drive. I hadn’t seen him in months and you could tell because he replayed everything I’d missed while I was away at college. Needless to say I was awake for the 4 hour drive. I got sad when I saw the Nebraska state sign and anxious when I saw the Iowa state sign. Not that I’ve never seen it before, but this time it was different. We pulled into my new driveway and my curiosity hit hard. I left the car before my dad managed to turn it off. I walked inside to hug my mom and then quickly explored each inch of the house. I approved. It’s smaller than anywhere I’ve ever lived before, but it’s nice. Now I sit on my bed, the same bed that has made it from all my other homes. It comforts me to know everything hasn’t changed.

I’ve been unpacking for 2 days now. And by unpacking I mean I’ve made piles. I have a pile of trash, including stuffed animals, shoes I don’t wear, trophies I have no use for, and papers of everything from college recruits to old bank statements. I have a pile of clothes for donation. And a pile of stuff I really don’t know what to do with. I have all my college stuff in one corner away from the mess. And stacks of all my clean and newly folded laundry. Nothing on the walls. No pictures up. It’s definitely not my room yet.

I feel bad for everything I’m throwing away; Lots of memories and keepsakes, but I really have no use for it. I won’t miss it, so why keep it?

Not much else is going on here in Iowa. It’s good to be with the family and it’s refreshing to spend some time alone; Gives me time to think. I’m trying to see if I can picture myself here for a longer period of time. So far the answer is no, but who knows, maybe I could make something of my time here. Hey it’s been 2 days and I’m not miserable yet. :)

Looking Ahead

November 1st! Another month of the semester has come and gone. The Maze is almost behind us (see www.whatisthemaze.com) which means promotion for DCC will begin. My best friend and I have decided to take on the responsibility of DCC Underground for our campus. We’re the duo promotion team basically. Prayers for our campus!

I have six weeks left as a K-State student, it’s a little bitter sweet. Wildcat Forever, but I really don’t see me spending another dollar on my education here. I get excited thinking ahead, but a little sad thinking back. Whatever happens though, I know I have the Lord guiding me. It’s comforting to know what lay ahead until June though. I’m glad I won’t have to initially move to Iowa with the parents. I think project will be good for me. I can find more stability in my faith and grow more in love with Christ. I want to stand firm and be living out the gospel with no regret when I take the plunge of moving back home. Oh the Lord has perfect plans.

Lately I’ve been talking with a lot of friends from project, which has just been a huge encouragement. They are just so excited for my team to be returning, and I know we can count on their prayers! (love you wdwsp10) it’s also just been fun hearing what the staff team is already doing at Disney. We have prayer messages to hear about the movement and be praying for students there and we have already seen God work so much since September. There have been new discussion groups and they’ve even seen students come to Christ. I am so thrilled to go be a part of it and help share the gospel and be a student with them. I know the Lord is preparing hearts and making huge plans for my team.

Lot’s of big plans in the next two

months!

Prayers for THE MAZE (Nov.3rd)

FALL BREAK (Nov 20th - 29th )

WINTER BREAK (Dec 17th- Jan 17th)

DENVER CHRISTMAS CONFERENCE (Dec 28th - Jan 2nd)

So excited :)

Constant Battle

55434 68410 66506 32821 51640

Just another zip code. Just another state line.

It’s finally come to that hasn’t it? Living out of boxes and suitcases, no place to call home, everywhere is only temporary. From the girl who’s theme in life is running away, what does that tell you about how I really feel? I don’t know if it’s the fact that it’s just another state, or the fact that it’s never some place I can call home. They’re packing and leaving, with no reason to regret, no reason to look back... They didn’t build roots. I on the other hand, have relationships, regrets, and reason to look back and wonder what could’ve been. They won’t return, they have no reason to, but will I? I’ve mastered having little attachment to places, but I’ve yet to successfully unattached myself from people. No goodbyes, and little warning. Just loading up the moving van, again and they’re off without me, and that is a swift knock off my feet to remind me, I’m on my own... I’ve grown up, and there’s no turning back.

So to those cold truths I admit I won’t claim another zip co

de. I don’t want another state. I don’t need another place to run to. Home to me isn’t where I am from, it's not where I’ve been, it's not where I’m going, and it's not where I am at. Home to me is a feeling of comfort that only comes from being with the people I love. I won’t label it with an address. It doesn’t matter where my boxes gather dust, where my toothbrush lay, or which state I am forced to pay taxes to.. Which just comes back to the old cliché, home is truly where the heart’s at. Ultimately though, let's be honest all of our "homes" are only temporary, so in fact I'm not alone. Our eternal home is waiting... and when you live in the light of eternity all your values change.

Accepted!

I am officially accepted into the Disney College Program for the Spring of 2011!

Let support raising kick into gear!

Hope you all are having a magical semester :) be expecting a letter detailing more about my ministry soon!

It's not enough just to say that we're okay

My title is lyrics from a song called Any Other Way, By Tenth Avenue North ... My FAVORITE BAND. Their music really brings me to a place where I realize how desperately I need my God. Anyway, that's the song I'm listening to right now, thought I'd share.

It's the start of a new week, PRAISE GOD. Last week was draining. I had to apply for the Disney College program, and go through many interview processes. No worries though, I already am employed by Disney, just formality.

October has taken over and the weather has taken a drastic change, along with my heart. I'm sure I will go back and forth with my excitement to return to Florida, but I don't regret my decision. Some days it might not be what I want to do, but I know God has chosen this path for me. Prayer for my heart over the next months would be great. I also know prayer for the people around me as I go in and out of wanting to take this step of faith would be nice. I can only imagine it would be hard for them not to encourage me to stay after I tell them I'm having second thoughts, or to get frustrated when one day I'm nonchalant about it, and the next day I'm scared we won't stay in touch. These next 3 months will be faith building, for myself, my family, and my close friends. Trusting in the Lord to lead me wherever He wants me to go, to financially take care of me, and to protect my relationships has already proven to be difficult. I realize it's all just part of God's perfect plan for my life.

Another big prayer request would be that I don' t get caught up in what's ahead and miss out on what's here and now. My grades have already suffered, along with my friendships. Support raising is underway and can be very distracting. God has me here at K-State this semester, and I know he wants me to be glorifying Him here on this campus, not waiting until I get somewhere else. My life is my mission... today my life is in Manhattan.

EMAW!

3 Months Away

Allow me to show you what's next in my life

Dear My College Family,

It has been almost exactly a year ago that I joined this mostly crazy, but dependable, and most important absolutely in love with God group of great friends. The community I've found in Cru over the last year is uncomparable to any other group of friends I've ever called mine. These are the kind of people who overflow with the love of Christ. Whether we are hosting some crazy dance party, studying the word of God, spending time together on retreats such as Fall Getaway or DCC, or just merely hanging out as the best friends that we've all become, these people are always representing Christ. They make me laugh, they make me cry, they've been there for me, and done some incredible things on my behalf. They support each other and stretch each other. We get real and we hold one another accountable. We work hard together and play even harder. College here at K-State wouldn't be the same without Sunday night Family nights, our weekly meetings, planning events to reach out to our fellow students, driving ridiculous hours for donuts, driving ridiculous hours for Red Robin, studying together in Hale, playing volleyball and ultimate frisbee, showing up at each others places unannounced and uninvited, watching Glee, and way too many movies, game nights and puzzle nights, afternights at Bluestem, spending holidays together, my growth group girls, weekend retreats, dance parties.. some planned.. some spontaneous, and just being friends.. best friends.I don't know where I would be without this community. I'm glad this group of people was God's plan for me. I'm excited to spend the rest of the semester with all of you! Let's laugh, cry, laugh some more, and glorify God. I love all of you, thanks for being my college family. :)

Poem I wrote to you all last semester :)

Merely a freshmen

No one to depend on, no one to turn to

Broken from my own mistakes

New city, new state, new lie, new game

You don’t deserve this and it just doesn’t seem fair

My face washed white with fear

But a simple smile hides it all

You saw through me, I almost felt guilty

Through obligation to Him or rather to myself I showed up

A step of faith

The love overwhelmed me and in just weeks my attitude changed

No longer afraid, no longer a lie, no longer fake

I now have You to depend on, I have You to turn to

I am broken for You

New city, new state, new love, new life

I don’t deserve this and it just doesn’t seem fair

My face flushed with joy

A simple smile says it all

You saw through me, and for that I was saved.

Love, Jamie

A Weekend Away

I've been back in Manhattan for nearly 6 weeks now. I've settled back into Kansas and found a schedule I am pleased with. I do the same thing every Monday.. and then the same thing every Tuesday.. and coincidentally every Wednesday seems to be quite routine as well. There is nothing wrong with routine.. in fact in can be somewhat comforting. I know what to expect, and I know what is expected of me. Unfortunately with that comes falling back into bad habits, or simply just going through the motions. The weeks have passed me by. I need a recharge, or a refresh button on life would be nice... Anyway God must realize this because Cru has an anual Fall Getaway, and this year it's come early.. or in my case, just on time.
I'm ready to get away. I'm ready to recharge and refocus. I want to spend a few days surrounded with my Christian community and really spend some quality time with Jesus.

I'm looking forward to connecting with new and old friends. Sharing giggles, and possbily tears. I'm ready for Bible Studies and a great speaker. S'mores and sleeping bags. Worship, and prayer. All in all just enjoying the change in season far from the noise and chaos of a college town. I want to .. well... getaway with Jesus. :)

We are living at a Defining Moment

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Twenty years old and no direction. I know everything I'm expected to do and everything I can't do. I know what I don't want to do, but as far as what I should do or where I should do it... I've always kind of been lost. I would have remained lost had I not scooted out of the drivers seat and let the Lord take control of my life. In the past year my life has made some drastic changes. I have grown as a daughter, as a friend, as a student, as a girlfriend, and ultimately as a Christian. I was led to a school I'd never heard of, in a state I'd never been to. I've been fortunate enough to find a community of brothers and sisters in Christ that will continue to be a huge part of my life. I discovered ministry is something I am passionate about. I went on a Summer Project in Walt Disney World for 10 weeks this past summer. I trusted God to allow the gospel to change my life and the lives around me, and He blew past my expectations. Since then I have returned back to Manhattan, Kansas... to most people just another state on my list of places lived, but to me it's home. Sometimes in life though, home isn't where you're suppose to be. God calls us out of our comfort zones and into the world. For me it has been made near impossible to stay in Kansas. At first I was angry, but I've come to see it was only because the Lord has made bigger plans for me.

Next semester I will not be returning to school at Kansas State, but instead returning to Lake Buena Vista Florida, or more commonly known around the globe as Walt Disney World. Campus Crusade for Christ, the ministry I am a part of, is launching a year round movement in the college program at WDW. The program has upwards of 8,000 students, from every state in the US and 52 different countries. This semester 6 staff members are planning how to get this movement started. Launching a movement in a college with no college students to help you is as you can imagine a little difficult, which is where me and my team come in. We will be joining the college program at Disney. We will live, learn, and work alongside these 8,000 students.

We are living at a defining moment. We can choose to follow Him, or we can choose to follow ourselves. Living on the otherside of the country is a huge step of faith, whether it's in the "happiest place on earth" or not. But for me the decision didn't take long, we are the most unreached generation, and yet we are the most reachable. Students who take part in the Disney College Program aren't generally students who have everything figured out. They come to Disney World looking for something bigger than themselves, they come looking for community, and ultimate joy. I would only guess that God will use us to show them they can have all that with a relationship with Jesus Christ.