Monday, December 13, 2010

Wildcat Forever



Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work. Someone would leave. Someone always leaves. Then we would have to say good-bye. I hate good-byes. I know what I need. I need more hellos.

That’s it I’m done. I’m am no longer a student at Kansas State University. My contracts have been ended and I have passed my finals. A year and a half later and I’m moving on. Not because I’m ready, not because I want to, but because I need to. This was what God had planned for me. Three life changing semesters. 16 months ago I was in my dorm room crying, I wanted to be anywhere accept the state of Kansas. I hated my first month of school. It was hard not to have friends, but now not only do I have the best friends ever, I have a family here in Kansas. I have people who will be a part of my life forever, and people who may fade out with time, but I’m okay with that. It’s how life happens. It isn’t because we aren’t great friends, but God will bring us to different places and we will find new friends, it’s part of change. There are those people though, I’ve found them everywhere I’ve ever lived, friends that will last. Friends who become your family. Friends who would travel the country to see you. Friends that shed tears when you leave and tears when you return. The friends that make saying goodbye so hard. The ones that will hold you at the car door, airport terminal, bus stop, or front door and let you say goodbye a few more times than necessary. The ones that text you before you’re out of site and remind you that you’re loved. The ones that will laugh with you up until the moment you hug them goodbye. The ones that will spend hours on the phone with you. You talk about your new life and theirs. It doesn’t matter when you hear a name you don’t recognize, you listen and laugh, because you know they’re happy. You know you’re happy. You know everything is the way it’s suppose to be.
If you hadn’t guessed by now I’m very familiar with goodbyes. Each time seems easier, I handle it with a little more dignity, maybe even a little less tears, but each time breaks my heart a little more, because I know how it goes. I know most people will fade from my life, I know most people won’t really miss me, and I won’t really miss them. I know I won’t visit as often as I say I will, and I know they won’t visit either. We’ll write a few postcards and send a few emails. The days will pass and life will move on, just the way it was meant to. It’s not as sad as I make it sound, it’s more the anticipation of it all. You tend to ponder if it will ever be this good again. Will you ever find friends like this? Will you be happy there like you are here? The answer is yes. It will never be the same, that is true, but then again tomorrow is never the same as yesterday. But I will be happy. It unfortunately doesn’t hurt less to say goodbye knowing that tomorrow will be okay, but maybe I will look back and laugh when it turns out saying goodbye to Manhattan felt just how I thought it would.
… but anyway, school is out, it’s Christmas time, and we’re alive! Let’s Praise God!


Friday, December 3, 2010

Make Believe For You


My hands are shaking
fighting back tears that aren't there
Choked up with words I refuse to say
for you, I act indifferent
for you, I seem so strong
I remember when you held me,
if you could just do that now
Take away my fear,
tell me it'll be okay
I want to believe you will make it,
At least help me make believe it's true

I'll hold your hands, they're shaking
you can cry, I'll wipe your tears
Say what you need, I'll listen
know that I've been praying
Through the Lord I will stay strong
If you need me to, I'll hold you
it's my turn to care for you
There's no need to be afraid
it will all turn out okay
I know that you will make it,
at least I'll make believe it's true.