I'm done asking why

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes. So much can slip away before I say goodbye... but if there's no other way I'm done asking why. I'm on my knees, begging you to notice me. I'm on my knees Father will you turn to me?
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If you're everything You say You are will You come close and hold my heart?
(Tenth Avenue North "Hold My Heart")

WOW. Every time I write a blog I can't believe how much time has passed. April showers bring May Flowers.. and then I will be moving back to the Midwest. Humidity is slowly engulfing the state of Florida and I am horribly sick. WHAT? So lame. Hmm, what is new in April? Been working alot, things have slowed down since Spring Break, but with Easter coming Disney is about to go crazy. I'm excited about Easter coming up, most Internationals don't celebrate the holiday and the whole easter egg and bunny thing is so lame. It will be fun to tell them about the origin of the holiday and what it means to me. My Chinese friends have already been asking all about it. "So do we just east eggs?" HA.

I'm excited for the semester to be ending, but there are still many more days in front of me to live for. Prayers for focus while I'm still here and courage to continue to take BIG steps of faith over the next month and a half, especially with the girls in my Bible Study and my roommates.
I never get to see my team, which has been hard, but I've really been leaning on my roommate. If I don't see her I get lonely. She's amazing. :) Loneliness has been my biggest struggle and something satan has used in attacking me this semester. I've been reading a book and doing a devotional called "Hinds Feet and High Places" It has been so good and such an encouragement. I'm really learning how to lean on God and and allow Him to choose to use my community to hold me up. As opposed to first turning to my community and having them show me God. I'm growing in my faith. I'm skipping the baby steps.
The semester is way harder than expected. It's a lot of personal growth I wasn't expecting or ready for. It's a huge "real world" slap in the face and it still stings. I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm homesick, yea wherever the heck that is. But I must quote the entire Cru staff team across the world when I say "It's hard, but good."
It's worth it. Or it will be. When I look back at all the times I stood in tears, confused and had no one to turn to for hundreds of miles and all I could do was pray. I want the rest of my life to reflect this. I want to remember that no matter where I am or who is or isn't by my side He always will be. I want Him to be who I turn to first.

Okay... that was alot more words then I had intended. So I will just stop now. Bottom line. I MISS YOU! But I know I need to be here. (but only for a little longer)